Don't Let an Out-of-Control Nuclear Reactor Wreck Your Prom

If you are of the belief (like I am) that anything that can go wrong will go wrong during special events like a prom night, then you'll want to heed the following pages--especially if you're planning to attend the dance within a few hundred miles of a nuclear power plant. If you're not sure if there's a nuclear power plant in the nearby vicinity, my suggestion to you is to hop in a car with your parents and take a leisurely ride around town into the next county or two. If you see signs posted that read "Danger: Radiation" or you notice that the local county townspeople are all bald and glowing, you probably are close to a nuclear reactor area and should make a personal prom night copy of the tips that follow.

In addition to your normal prom fundraisers, ask your teachers if you can secretly put together a slush fund in order to buy a few special prom night items to help in the event that there is an out-of-control nuclear reactor accident. This items may be a bit more expensive that punch and chips, so plan accordingly because one car wash will not do the trick. Aside from tuxedos, corsages, and prom dresses, you and the other kids will need one Pressurized Water Reactor, some rubber gloves and insulated boots, a few sets of protective eyewear and hard hats, and some wire cutters. Not all teachers or special event coordinators will know where to purchase these items so be prepared to do some bartering on EBay. Because accumulating the above mentioned items make take a few weeks, you may want start selling extra hot dogs and spirit packs as early as football season.

Hopefully the night of your prom will proceed as most prom nights. Prom decorations will probably highlight the gym's walls and rented tables as the prom theme resonates from one end of the wooden bleachers to the next. However, if during prom pictures you suddenly hear a blaring alarm signaling a potential nuclear accident, remain calm, gather the above mentioned accident gear and wave down the next HASMAT vehicle that is speeding by. (You may want to leave corsages or boutonnieres behind as these items will be of no help during the shut down process.)

Upon arriving at the scene of a nuclear reactor accident, the simplest and most straightforward way to stop an out of control reactor is to insert the core's damping rods deep into the core to shut the nuclear reaction down. This sounds simple but may require a good deal of manpower and some nuclear science knowledge. If you know more about gym locker combinations than Nuclear Physics, don't panic; there will be easy-to-read manuals posted near the reactor, just take the time to read and follow the instructions (but not too much time because, well, at any minute the reactor might blow).

Next, flood the core with liquid dampener. This is easily done by initiating the release of the dampeners by using the reactor control panels. If time is of the essences, just quickly hit every button and lever on the control panel until something good happens. Be aware that hitting every button and lever can potentially lead to a negative outcome, but with time ticking by this is the only way to get back to the prom before the band packs up and leaves.

The liquid mentioned above is little more than water laced with boron to a concentration of 2,000 parts per million. These numbers are not important to remember so long as you soak the reactor and stifle the reaction. If some nuclear plant person is worried that the reactor may never start again once flooded, assure him that once the prom is saved you will return with lots of teenage helping hands to flush out the boron. No biggie.

If the above methods do not shut down the nuclear reactor, then you have one more option to avert total disaster. You will have to manually shut off the power going to the control rod motors. This is not an easy task, but if done correctly will definitely get you some votes for King or Queen of the prom. Quickly locate the normal and emergency power panels feeding the control rod motors. Open the panels and locate the voltage wires

Cut the hot wires supplying the motors starting with the normal power then the emergency cut the black wires first then the white if there is red blue and black wire cut black first red second glue lst then white do not cut any green or bare copper wires these are ground wire protect from electrocuted.

 

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